so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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