all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
