At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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