my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
