oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
