omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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