I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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