I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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