every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
