Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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