Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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