Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
