it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize