i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
