Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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