8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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