I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
