don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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