That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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