So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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