I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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