it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
