My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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