she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
