Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize