Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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