He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
