I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
