That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Floor bacon is actually really good
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
