My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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