You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
