It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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