I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dignity is for republicans.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
