Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
