OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
