I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
