I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
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He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Congratulations! We have a period
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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