Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
