I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
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I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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