my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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