You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
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my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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