Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
its not stalking. its research.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
