we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
