Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
