Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
