At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
