Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
