"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
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I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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