I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
