Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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