It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize