I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
