I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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