By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
