I wish my penis had an off switch
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he was CRYING into my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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