Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
