SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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