i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
