i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
