He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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