he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
