I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
