So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
