the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
