Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
