peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Drake has all the answers
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
