I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
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I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
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do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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