with your own penis?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You ruined the universe
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
