I think I just saw someone hide a body.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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